Yesterday I was reading an interesting article by “blendie” Yayoi Lena Winfrey, over on one of the blogs I frequent WatermelonSushiWorld Yayoi talks about racial responsibility, and how people of colour are often expected to be ambassdors and caretakers of their entire race.
To quote her:

…..Are you saying middle-income blacks should have never left their black neighborhoods? Would you say that to a white person? Would you say, white person, you are responsible for your entire race?”

My white friend admitted that he wouldn’t, and realized his error at suggesting it. But his words echoed through my mind for several days afterward. Why did he automatically think people of color should be more responsible for their own kind? My friend is a loving and generous person with no outward sign of racism. Yet his words had slipped so easily from his lips. Was he an unwilling victim of institutionalized racism?

It reminded me of the movie Crash and the bridge between Anthony (Ludacris) and Cameron Thayer (Howard Terrance) In Crash, the to characters are held up as mirrors of each other. One reflects the other. When Cameron gets back in the SUV and looks at Anthony and says, [to Anthony] “You embarrass me. You embarrass yourself.“ you see Anthony not only hears the words he feels them. This was a terrific illustration of the concept of people judging a entire race by the actions of an individual.

There is good and bad in this concept.

On one hand, it is completely unfair to expect a person to take in consideration an entire race when making personal life choices.  I mean, if someone wants to steal cars for a living that’s their choice. It shouldn’t have anything to do with me. Unless it’s my car being stolen. Yet, for some reason, action like this often spread misconceptions.

But this doesn’t apply to all races.  In Crash the events that involve Sgt. Ryan (Matt Dillon) and Christine (Thandie Newton) come to mind. Ryan’s behavior when he sexually assaults her in an anything but routine traffic stop is disgusting. But I am pretty sure that the white guy in the seat in front of me doesn’t feel it’s a reflection on him simply because they share a skin color.

But on the other hand.

It also allows us to join together in moments like President Barack Obama being elected, and take part in the accomplishment. (Even when your Canadian.) I for one felt pride and joy in myself when Halle Berry won her Oscar. And I am a terrible actress. But for some reason I felt like I won too.

“WE DID IT!” means many things.

(the pic is just cause i love it)

Straight Hair.

I’m am one of many people who probably read this post on curlynikki last week.

Right now it’s closing in on mother’s day in the UK and this post makes for some uneasy feelings for me.
I think when you add the element of being mixed race to this idea of “straight hair shame”, particularily if it’s your mother who is white, it gets even more complicated. Growing up, little girls want to be like their mothers. Imitate them. Dress like them. Look like them. I did too. I tried on my mother’s bright pink lipstick, her dresses, her high heeled shoes. And I tried to make my hair like hers. Of course I did, she’s my mom.

Yet at the same time, you have this other argument, from the other half of you, pointing out that straightening your hair is psychological self denial of who you are.

And yet part of who I am is my mother.

I’m not sure how to bridge this kind of divide. I’m not even sure if anyone else see it this way.

What I do know is right now I don’t want straight hair. I haven’t wanted straight hair for a really long time now. Even when I had extension, they were curls. I just never seemed to believe that what I wanted would just grow out of my head, without changing it with chemicals or heat. I don’t know where that belief came from. Certainly not my mother. She always wanted me to leave my hair the way it is. Many commenter on the CN post mention how straightening our hair is a reaction to pressure from white culture in order to “fit in”. In my personal experience, I’ve never met a white person who required me to “assimilate” myself. So where does this ideology come from?

For me this journey is about discovering my hair and, to be honest, I am amazed at the flexibility it has. Surprisingly, more flexibilty than my mother ever had.

I stumbled upon this pic while trolling around flicker last weekend. This picture is part of the most enjoyable and amazing and dense photo stream on flickr, entitled Black Heritage
.
For me, it got me thinking about Black history, and how much access I had to it growing up. Not much ordinary history. Truly historic figures like Martin Luther King Jr, and Malcolm X and Madame CJ Walker were talk about, absolutely. But these figures were more like idols, not completely tangible. For me, everything tangible was current and generally popular culture. The Cosby’s, Family Matters, Roc, A Different World, Fresh Prince , and then later through music. But not much history on the common man.

I think the most beautiful things in this stream is the everyday-ness about it. Sure, there are a few pics of stars and athletes in there, however it’s the conventional pictures in between that I love.

I’m not sure if I’m posting about something everyone has already seen or not, however after watching the whole thing- it takes about 45 minutes in when in slideshow mode, I was compelled to write about it.
What do you think?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/blackheritage/show/

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, more than just hair and yet haven’t had the time to actually sit down and write for more then 10 minutes.
I’ve set aside time this weekend to blog some things off my chest. There are a number of things I want to express, but it is just as important, things I want to hear back from you about. I’m interested in your opinions whether they diverge form mine or not. Hopefully you will join me.

What has been on my mind is this issue of race. If you have been reading my blog from the beginning then you will know my story and that I am mixed race. If you don’t know my story you can read it here

The blogs I frequent have been busy talking about hair issues and color issues that have been preying on my mind as well.

I thought that I would start with an email that I received from a mixed race chica who wrote the following:

I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Natalie and I live in Toronto. I stumbled onto your vlog on Youtube several days after my ‘big chop’ and apparently a few days after yours as well. By coincidence I had just returned from a holiday in London, UK several days earlier.

I am 33 and have just discovered who I am as a woman. Chopping off my relaxed hair has been the most liberating experience of my life. As a social worker and activist I have spent so much time trying to empower women and other marginalized groups. I can not believe I have lived all of these years not acknowledging my own power as a half black half white woman of colour. I am just coming to terms that this denial had affected many of the choices that I have made in my life (in relationships, friends etc..).

2009 is a truly new year for me. I am proud of my amazing curls that are growing wild on my head. This year is full of possibility. My head is held high.

It does seems that we have a lot of wounds to heal from our pasts but at least we do not have to do it alone. I spent a considerable amount of time studying issues of post-colonialism throughout my education.

I was amazed to find out that paler skinned/straighter haired women and men of colour living in the south during slavery would get more social equity based on their ‘white’ features. For example, a pale skinned black woman would get to work indoors in the master’s home instead of the fields. A black man with finer facial features would get to drive the carriage as opposed to working the land.

It was a survival mechanism to be as white as one can be. It is my personal belief that we, women of colour have inherited these adaptive survival mechanisms through the collective conscience that is shared with our ancestors. This is why Beyonce has long, straight hair despite her obvious beauty. This is why Obama’s wife despite her education and knowledge sports a ‘clean sensible bob’ as opposed to braids or an afro.

What we are trying to undo has a powerful force over us. We are brave and strong to be doing this. For women who are ethnically and racially ‘mixed’ like us, there are a lot of unknowns. We don’t fit perfectly into the white world nor perfectly in the black world. The tension that we have struggled with throughout our lives has been unique. Till this day I ‘ache’ for belonging. My challenge for the remainder of my life will be heal, find a home and community where I can truly be myself.

Thanks for the email Natalie, I feel the same way.

Okay, So I’ve been product testing for the last month. Here is my review of some co- washes. I do a co-wash every other day I found for my hair the following three work the best

In Third Place

Hello Hydration

No surprises here- It’s cheap, often on sale and available everywhere ( I bought mine 2 for 1 at Superdrug, I think it’s on sale 2 for 1 at Boots at the moment and recommended by a number of curlies on Naturally Curly.com as well a various bloggers. I think it works quite well at making my hair slippery enough to get the dirt out.

In Second Place

Pantene PRO-V RESTORATIVES Breakage Defense Conditioner

Not as great as the mask- (which by the way has been impossible to find lately… 7 shops and no one is carrying it.) but a pretty good co-wash. Not as slippery as the Herbal Essence though. I picked up this conditioner at Tesco for £2. 00 on sale. Right now at Boots you can get 2 Pantene products for £4

But the Ultimate, Number One :

Boots Coconut and Almond Oil Intensive Conditioner!!!!

This stuff is brilliant-just make sure it’s the one in the jar and not the regular bottle conditioner- there is mineral oil in that one. But the Intensive Condish worked amazingly. It really cleaned my hair, I could see it in the shower water!! And it left my hair feeling super silky and soft. And when i followed it with my homemade condish really turned out nice the next day too! And here is the best part. It cost £0.89. that’s right 89 pennies. I paid for it with the change hanging around the bottom of my purse. Brilliant!

Smell that curlies? Smells like some kind of crazy!

Monday morning on the tube on the escalators I spot a chica from behind with an awesome fro. It’s big and shiny and black. And suddenly I can’t help myself- I have to see it from the front. I am compelled to. So I follow her! Seriously. Luckily she heads to the line that I need to take. But normally I head to the centre of the tube because that’s where the exit is at the station I get off at. But I find myself at the end of the platform, standing behind her. I can’t seemed to get into a position where I can see her from the front. I move left she moves left. I mover right she moves right. It’s like she knows I trying to get a peak. I think to myself- let it go this is crazy. And just when I’m about to leave she turns slightly. And then I realize it’s a weave. And not a good one at that.

I learned two things. One – I’m a little hair crazy. Two- weaves are disappointing. I’ll never go back

Please forgive my absence the last few days. I’ve been knock over by the worst flu I can remember ever having. I’ve been in bed for 5 days now. (And had my silk bonnet on every minute!)