I “hennaed” this weekend again. It was my 4th attempt and my first attempt with Jamila henna. I know a lot of bloggers out there seem to love the henna, but for me, we have to break up. And it’s not me, it’s henna. It has been 5 days since my henna treatment, (which was a mix of henna honey, yogurt, herb infused water and a little olive oil.) 5 days! And my hair still feels like straw. But more worryingly is that there is some serious breaking going on. When I detangled tonight the amount of hair that came out was comparable to when I would take my extensions out. Not a good sign.

This kind of make me sad because the color of my hair this time turned out really nice. It glows a really bright red in the sun, and when I wore my hair in my “PinUp Girl” style I felt like a cute, brown Lucille Ball.

Bottom line though: Henna treats me bad, so no matter how cute it appears to be, we gotta break up.

That and it keeps turning my fingers orange no matter how careful I am with the gloves… this week the nail buffer has been my best friend. Orange tinted nails are not pretty on me… how about you?

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, more than just hair and yet haven’t had the time to actually sit down and write for more then 10 minutes.
I’ve set aside time this weekend to blog some things off my chest. There are a number of things I want to express, but it is just as important, things I want to hear back from you about. I’m interested in your opinions whether they diverge form mine or not. Hopefully you will join me.

What has been on my mind is this issue of race. If you have been reading my blog from the beginning then you will know my story and that I am mixed race. If you don’t know my story you can read it here

The blogs I frequent have been busy talking about hair issues and color issues that have been preying on my mind as well.

I thought that I would start with an email that I received from a mixed race chica who wrote the following:

I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Natalie and I live in Toronto. I stumbled onto your vlog on Youtube several days after my ‘big chop’ and apparently a few days after yours as well. By coincidence I had just returned from a holiday in London, UK several days earlier.

I am 33 and have just discovered who I am as a woman. Chopping off my relaxed hair has been the most liberating experience of my life. As a social worker and activist I have spent so much time trying to empower women and other marginalized groups. I can not believe I have lived all of these years not acknowledging my own power as a half black half white woman of colour. I am just coming to terms that this denial had affected many of the choices that I have made in my life (in relationships, friends etc..).

2009 is a truly new year for me. I am proud of my amazing curls that are growing wild on my head. This year is full of possibility. My head is held high.

It does seems that we have a lot of wounds to heal from our pasts but at least we do not have to do it alone. I spent a considerable amount of time studying issues of post-colonialism throughout my education.

I was amazed to find out that paler skinned/straighter haired women and men of colour living in the south during slavery would get more social equity based on their ‘white’ features. For example, a pale skinned black woman would get to work indoors in the master’s home instead of the fields. A black man with finer facial features would get to drive the carriage as opposed to working the land.

It was a survival mechanism to be as white as one can be. It is my personal belief that we, women of colour have inherited these adaptive survival mechanisms through the collective conscience that is shared with our ancestors. This is why Beyonce has long, straight hair despite her obvious beauty. This is why Obama’s wife despite her education and knowledge sports a ‘clean sensible bob’ as opposed to braids or an afro.

What we are trying to undo has a powerful force over us. We are brave and strong to be doing this. For women who are ethnically and racially ‘mixed’ like us, there are a lot of unknowns. We don’t fit perfectly into the white world nor perfectly in the black world. The tension that we have struggled with throughout our lives has been unique. Till this day I ‘ache’ for belonging. My challenge for the remainder of my life will be heal, find a home and community where I can truly be myself.

Thanks for the email Natalie, I feel the same way.

Yesterday was an amazing day. If you recall, I mentioned that I would be taking a few classes. I didn’t want to mention the place where the workshops were taking place until I knew if they were good or not. Since it was great, I will reveal : Plush Folly, in Hampton, about 45 minutes out of London from Waterloo Station. I took a class on how to make natural hair care products. They also have classes on cosmetic making and how to

It was an informative class, but what was even more amazing was stepping off the train and running right into another Natural! She was heading to the same workshop! As we walked I discovered she was Michelle, the previous leader of the London Natural Hair and Sisterlocks group! She also runs the online magazine Hair Affairs, and a Sisterlocks Salon. We laughed at what a small world it is, and I admired her locks (which are beautiful) and headed into the small shop. Inside were three women, one of which was… Another Naturally Curly! After exchanging names, I realized it was Ebony, who runs Naturally Sexy!

It’s not a small world – it is tiny.

During the work shop we concocted a saponified shampoo, a rich conditioner, a hot oil treatment, a hair mask and a serum. Very educational. Very fun. And everything we made was full of wonderful oils and herbs. The class was 90 pounds and ran from 10-4.

I’ll review each product I made as I use them. I think I’ll start with the conditioner which I will use as a leave in.

I wanted to address something that I said a few days ago. In my Lustrasilk post I asked if anyone else hates going into the ethnic beauty supply stores, or if it was just me.

I received a pretty vile comment in response, which I refuse to post. A reader called me the most racist name I have been called since being on the playground; the short form for a raccoon which I think means a “sellout” or “race traitor” when used by another person of color. According to the reader, I prefer to go to Sally’s or Boots rather than a Black beauty supply store because I am “c**n”. The comment was very hurtful and has been preying on my mind for days. Such comments take the fun out of going natural and writing this blog. Since I started this journey, I have felt truly embraced in a community of women who have had similar experiences to me and have felt similar pain and frustration to my own. When I read this comment I suddenly felt utterly alone.

My whole life I have felt alone when it came to things like hair, makeup, race and what it means to be “of color”. After stumbling onto this community of curly, kinky women it was like a light being suddenly switched on. Returning to that feeling of solitude is so much worse than never having been embraced at all.

I know it was just one person, and their comment points more to their issues than my own, but I still wanted to address the issues that urged them to write in the first place. There are a couple reasons why I feel the way I feel about beauty supply stores and after much thought, and asking other bloggers for guidance, I thought I would list the reasons for my feelings.

1. Nearly every product in the black beauty supply store screams ‘there is something wrong with me’. Your hair is too kinky!; here, a relaxer to make it straight; Oh, relaxer didn’t work? Here is some silky straight Indian hair to sew onto your head to cover up your own; Your skin is too dark! Here is some bleaching cream at £30 a pop to lighten it up. Shelves and shelves of products telling me I need to change.

2. Every single beauty supply store that is “near” me is owned by men. Asian Men. And while I appreciate that Black beauty is big business, and respect them for trying to get their piece of the pie, the last time I checked Asian men (and women) have straight hair. So, if I have a question about any of the products, and believe me, I have many questions, they not only don’t have the answers, but also cannot begin to understand. Because, they don’t use the products. The man behind the counter has no idea what it feels like to have a relaxer burn his scalp or a hot comb burn his ear, or how it feels to watch helplessly as his hair breaks off in clumps as a result of that relaxer or what it’s like to have his hair braided so tight that it gives him a headache for days, or what it’s like to sit for hours while having hair glued or sewn to his head.