I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, more than just hair and yet haven’t had the time to actually sit down and write for more then 10 minutes.
I’ve set aside time this weekend to blog some things off my chest. There are a number of things I want to express, but it is just as important, things I want to hear back from you about. I’m interested in your opinions whether they diverge form mine or not. Hopefully you will join me.

What has been on my mind is this issue of race. If you have been reading my blog from the beginning then you will know my story and that I am mixed race. If you don’t know my story you can read it here

The blogs I frequent have been busy talking about hair issues and color issues that have been preying on my mind as well.

I thought that I would start with an email that I received from a mixed race chica who wrote the following:

I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Natalie and I live in Toronto. I stumbled onto your vlog on Youtube several days after my ‘big chop’ and apparently a few days after yours as well. By coincidence I had just returned from a holiday in London, UK several days earlier.

I am 33 and have just discovered who I am as a woman. Chopping off my relaxed hair has been the most liberating experience of my life. As a social worker and activist I have spent so much time trying to empower women and other marginalized groups. I can not believe I have lived all of these years not acknowledging my own power as a half black half white woman of colour. I am just coming to terms that this denial had affected many of the choices that I have made in my life (in relationships, friends etc..).

2009 is a truly new year for me. I am proud of my amazing curls that are growing wild on my head. This year is full of possibility. My head is held high.

It does seems that we have a lot of wounds to heal from our pasts but at least we do not have to do it alone. I spent a considerable amount of time studying issues of post-colonialism throughout my education.

I was amazed to find out that paler skinned/straighter haired women and men of colour living in the south during slavery would get more social equity based on their ‘white’ features. For example, a pale skinned black woman would get to work indoors in the master’s home instead of the fields. A black man with finer facial features would get to drive the carriage as opposed to working the land.

It was a survival mechanism to be as white as one can be. It is my personal belief that we, women of colour have inherited these adaptive survival mechanisms through the collective conscience that is shared with our ancestors. This is why Beyonce has long, straight hair despite her obvious beauty. This is why Obama’s wife despite her education and knowledge sports a ‘clean sensible bob’ as opposed to braids or an afro.

What we are trying to undo has a powerful force over us. We are brave and strong to be doing this. For women who are ethnically and racially ‘mixed’ like us, there are a lot of unknowns. We don’t fit perfectly into the white world nor perfectly in the black world. The tension that we have struggled with throughout our lives has been unique. Till this day I ‘ache’ for belonging. My challenge for the remainder of my life will be heal, find a home and community where I can truly be myself.

Thanks for the email Natalie, I feel the same way.