I wanted to address something that I said a few days ago. In my Lustrasilk post I asked if anyone else hates going into the ethnic beauty supply stores, or if it was just me.
I received a pretty vile comment in response, which I refuse to post. A reader called me the most racist name I have been called since being on the playground; the short form for a raccoon which I think means a “sellout” or “race traitor” when used by another person of color. According to the reader, I prefer to go to Sally’s or Boots rather than a Black beauty supply store because I am “c**n”. The comment was very hurtful and has been preying on my mind for days. Such comments take the fun out of going natural and writing this blog. Since I started this journey, I have felt truly embraced in a community of women who have had similar experiences to me and have felt similar pain and frustration to my own. When I read this comment I suddenly felt utterly alone.
My whole life I have felt alone when it came to things like hair, makeup, race and what it means to be “of color”. After stumbling onto this community of curly, kinky women it was like a light being suddenly switched on. Returning to that feeling of solitude is so much worse than never having been embraced at all.
I know it was just one person, and their comment points more to their issues than my own, but I still wanted to address the issues that urged them to write in the first place. There are a couple reasons why I feel the way I feel about beauty supply stores and after much thought, and asking other bloggers for guidance, I thought I would list the reasons for my feelings.
1. Nearly every product in the black beauty supply store screams ‘there is something wrong with me’. Your hair is too kinky!; here, a relaxer to make it straight; Oh, relaxer didn’t work? Here is some silky straight Indian hair to sew onto your head to cover up your own; Your skin is too dark! Here is some bleaching cream at £30 a pop to lighten it up. Shelves and shelves of products telling me I need to change.
2. Every single beauty supply store that is “near” me is owned by men. Asian Men. And while I appreciate that Black beauty is big business, and respect them for trying to get their piece of the pie, the last time I checked Asian men (and women) have straight hair. So, if I have a question about any of the products, and believe me, I have many questions, they not only don’t have the answers, but also cannot begin to understand. Because, they don’t use the products. The man behind the counter has no idea what it feels like to have a relaxer burn his scalp or a hot comb burn his ear, or how it feels to watch helplessly as his hair breaks off in clumps as a result of that relaxer or what it’s like to have his hair braided so tight that it gives him a headache for days, or what it’s like to sit for hours while having hair glued or sewn to his head.
3. I deserve better than this. A trip to the beauty aisle should inspire and excite. I should feel like I’m pampering and treating myself. Most of the products in these stores were created to change me. Which is not a treat. It’s not inspiring nor exciting. It’s depressing. It makes me feel like I need to wash the shame off me when I leave. Yes, the products have smiling black faces on the packaging. Yes, they are marketed exclusively to girls that look like me. That doesn’t mean I have to like them.
And that doesn’t mean I’m “denying my color”. I’m mixed race whether I shop there or not.
Now, you may disagree with this. You may walk into a shop and see the rows of hair, bleach creams and relaxers and see numerous possibilities and styles. You may use these products and feel beautiful when doing so. You may be lucky enough to live near a shop that is black owned and has knowledgeable staff behind the counter. Good for you. But, I do not.
I do feel beautiful, inspired and encouraged by ‘the possibilities’ whenever I buy products from someone like Anita Grant. I want to support women of color trying to make it in this industry and buy products that enhance my God-given beauty. I want to be the best I can be without changing me as I am.
I also want this blog to be a place of positivity. I understand there may be times when you do not agree with something I say or do and that you may want to express it. Please do. That’s what makes this form of communication so great. However, in the future I will not address racist or colorist comments. Such comments spoil the process of documenting my journey.
Cherry Lola went Natural Jan 2 2009. She has lived in London England since 2006, but is a Canadian through and through. Follow the journey or better yet share your story with her by emailing 
21 Comments so far
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First, I enjoy reading your blog and encourage you to keep blogging. I read your post about the ethnic beauty supply store “making you feel dirty” and I could not relate thus did not comment. I figured that your experiences were yours and that you have a right especially on your blog to express your feelings. Not all beauty supply stores are created equal just as not even all Target or Macy stores are created equal, some are great and there are others that I never return to after the first trip. So I can understand that your initial comments may have been offensive to some, but to make racial slurs in utterly inappropriate and I am happy you did not post those comments.
By coilycle on 02.21.09 10:05 pm | Permalink
Keep doing what you do with your head up Cherry Lola.
Don’t let one person’s negativity steal your joy.
This is your spot and you can say any thing you d@mn well please.
If people don’t like your opinion, they should move on and keep their negative comments to themselves.
Do YOU!!!
By Rhonda on 02.21.09 11:00 pm | Permalink
Being natural, there are very few products I would use in the typical Asian owned beauty supply store. Reading the original post, I can see how a person may be offended, but this is your blog, you can say whatever you want. I understand what you were trying to say.
By M on 02.21.09 11:52 pm | Permalink
You are not alone. We have all felt this way (though mine has been a little more sub-conscious and I wasn’t able to trully realise what these shops did to my psyche before I stopped going chopped all my hair off and am now rocking a beautiful fro (I’m half english half sierra leonian)). Good for you for articulating what many of us feel and having the confidence to set a blog. It is because of people like you that I am now so confident about my hair. I can wake up next to my green-eyed blonde boyfriend with a frizzy afro and still feel beautiful because of women’s networks like this. You don’t realise how good your blog is and how much it means to people though they may not comment.
Go you !!
By Diana Marvel on 02.22.09 8:46 pm | Permalink
When I read your comment, I also had to stop and think about what you were saying. I had one experience in a BBS that made me turn around and walk out. The display of products were just dirty and old looking. However, that was one experience I had. I have found many BSS where the staff was knowledgable and the store was clean. Sometimes you may not find everything you need in your neighbor and unfortunately we have to step our of our neighbor to find a store that is comfortable for us. It’s a shame we have to but it is what it is. Similar to what Coilyce stated in her comment…I drive past two Targets just to get to the Target that is comfortable for me. There will always be naysayers…but you just have to keep your head up and continue to do what feels right for you.
By Shelly on 02.24.09 6:26 pm | Permalink
I can understand why you may feel hurt by the comment made on your blog…but I feel you miss the point of the person who made the supposedly “hurtful” comment. Yes, most Afro hair and beauty shops in the UK and US are owned by Asian Indian and Oriental men. That’s a problem that the back community has to address separately, but I digress. The problem I have with your rebuttal is that you feel because these people can’t answer your questions about the products on their shelves you should give up on the experience on the whole and find some white people who are equally clueless about the texture and needs of even a mixed race person as yourself. You decide it’s better not to spend money in a store that, despite it’s flaws, is actually aimed at you and fill the pockets of corporations that don’t feel you’re important enough to even cater for you in a small way. You feel more comfortable amongst the all white products of Boots showing you that straight blonde hair is the ideal, than a store where at least women of colour can make the box cover! Take a visit to Boots.com and peruse the “beauty” and “hair” section. What’s the ideal and why does that suit you more?
Lets talk about Asians. They have their own special issues. These should not be confused with our own. Yes they carry skin bleaching products and put them on the same shelves but take another look at Youtube. Do a search for skin bleaching ads and see how popular these things are in Asia. Obviously as Asians they will also stock products aimed at themselves too. I’ve yet to see a black face on one of those skin bleaching boxes. Don’t confuse the few confused brothers and sisters who buy the product with some sort of concerted effort to sell it to all in the black community.
By Tes on 02.24.09 7:27 pm | Permalink
Hi Tes,
Thanks for you comments. I think I might have implied that I prefer boots or sally’s- over BSS- when infact the commentor actually meant it. Personally, I dislike both -one makes me feel like i need to change while the other makes me feel irrelevant.
What I love is companies like Anita Grant or Naturally Sexy trying to create products that work for us and promote a healthy image of what we are.
By admin on 02.24.09 8:38 pm | Permalink
I have a question. Do you really understand why your comment put people off?
No matter what, you should not have been verbally attacked. You were just speaking of a BBS store not world peace. Your hair is beautiful, your blog interesting and if your heart is right you will always be alright. Peace and blessings be unto you. : )
By Qmaylee on 02.26.09 4:56 am | Permalink
My understanding is that the reader thought I meant I hate being around other women of color and around things that remind me that I’m a woman of color. Which is of course not true, I’m trying hard to connect with as many biracial and Black women as possible. I will say that I thought that everyone felt the way I did. Some do, but clearly some do not. I will not assume any such thing again.
By admin on 02.26.09 4:26 pm | Permalink
hi cherrylola,
first and foremost let me say-i heart your blog. it is beautiful, inspiring and a pleasure to read. thank you for sharing your journey! ita with you on the “ethnic beauty shop” thing. last weekend i visited a really big shop (trying to check out the lustrasilk mango/shea conditioner which they don`t have) in Berlin where i live and i was like-what!!!! the only thing without questionable chemical ingredients was a cocoa butter stick!! even the shea butter was refined. and don’t`t get me started about the long row of relaxers and weaves…
i don’t want to offend anyone but for me it is simply annoying. Why? for the same reasons you posted before and i do not want to spend my hard earned money one some products which harm my hair and body. some ingredients are truly harmful, even forbidden in some countries and they still sell it to us.
i refuse being treated like a second class customer who does not matter. so -like you, i prefer to spend my money with ms grant for sure.to support a sister which is in love with our hair and our planet is the same as supporting myself. her products are superb! don`t let nobody tell you …. luv. Monika ps. i think we are hair twins, i`ll try to psot a pic if you like…
By Monika on 02.26.09 11:07 pm | Permalink
Thanks for the comments Monika! I’ve been surprised at the varying feelings about this post. Since you are in the EU I think that you can also buy various US products like My Honey Child from shesells.eu- I’ll do a post on it. Please send in a pic! Bbsolutely. I’m sure people would like a change from my face
By admin on 02.27.09 10:09 am | Permalink
I for one can understand where your coming from. The local BBS around my community have NOTHING for natural hair. Everything I pick up has mineral oil and other harsh products for Afro hair. And like you said the constantly throw images at us that will make you want to slap a relaxer or hot comb in your head as soon as you see a nap and as for the bleaching cream I have seen PLENTY of black faces on those boxes. But there are the few BBS owned by Orientals that try to hire African American women to assist you with you hair needs with is appreciated I just wish they would incorporate products of natural hair too.
By Tammra on 02.28.09 7:29 pm | Permalink
I understand what you mean about the staff working in the stores. every time I go to certain stores I get frustrated in the fact that they don’t understand what I need and have no knowledge of black hair. I get so frustrated. I am really happy that I have found your blog and even more that you are living in the UK like me! I mostly find american blogs for black hair which can be hard when looking for the great products they are talking about. I think you should carry on with your blog and I will be tuning in to see what you write about next. Can’t wait!
By Sophie on 03.01.09 11:49 pm | Permalink
Hi!
I felt compelled to make a comment on this in spite of the fact that I can’t find your original blog that seems to have caused so much controversy and resulted in you receiving racial abuse. I’ve never really been motivated to comment on any subject on any website before but I felt like I just had to this time. My mother, sisters and I are mixed-race. As I said before I have not been able to access the original post but I agree with your sentiments in the post above. In fact I would go one step further by saying that I personally feel positively degraded and disrespected with each and every visit to the usual BBS. As you quite rightly say, the shopkeepers have no idea about the products they sell so how on earth can you feel confident in buying from them?!?! They display a blatant lack of respect for their target group, following them around the shop, breathing down their necks and appear to look upon all of their customers with disdain – why subject yourself to that sort of treatment whilst paying for the privilege?!? I live in England but have also spent a significant portion of my adult life in New York so I have shopped in the UK and the USA for hair products. My family and I have found the generally demeaning and uninspiring experience of shopping at BBS’s to be universal in nature! I have given up shopping at these outlets entirely being completely disatisfied with the service – how that can possibly make you a sell-out is anyone’s guess. I don’t doubt that the person or people who are calling you such have permed, weaved or otherwise un-natural hair themselves so these shops cater to their particular needs (bully for them). One thing I have realised is that what works on african or caribbean hairtypes does not work on mixed-race hair as it is totally different in it’s composition. Also no two mixed-race heads are the same either so you really have to find what works for you through trial and error. Now we only buy quality products either from companies who specialise in mixed / multi-racial hair types or the big companies whose products agree with my hair. I go to a hairdresser for deep treatments every couple of weeks or so and my hairdresseris also mixed-race and thus has an understanding of the care requirements of our hairtypes. All of the black hairdressers I’ve visited have either plastered my hair in greasy products or they have argued with my family and I about our hair being completely natural and chemical-free. I suppose that’s because relatively few people have natural hair at the moment.
The vast majority of the products in the BBS are rubbish at looking after your hair but wonderful at damaging it. Let’s face it – the products are poor quality at best. I don’t understand why people keep buying their trash. Why pay to ruin your hair, you can do it for free! When will black and mixed-race people start to think outside of the box as a collective as opposed to a few enlightened individuals. The greases and mineral oil-based products do nothing more than treat the symptoms – underneath all of that grease-induced shine there is still the same dry and brittle hair that you started off with! I shop at Boots (and Sally’s when I’m in the States)amongst other places because a lot of the products that they sell agree with my hair in keeping it healthy, soft, curly and manageable. Aside from that, the staff in those stores are helpful, informed and well-mannered. Don’t allow some small-minded ignoramous to pigeon-hole you or make you second-guess yourself. From what I can gather, the discussion was about personal choice in regards to where you shop and the products you buy – let’s not turn this into some philosophical, nonsensical debate on self-loathing or the black struggle to get a slice of the pie in businesses targeted towards them. It’s inappropriate, misguided and a little bit pathetic to say the least!
By the way this is the first time I have seen you site. I’ve enjoyed perusing it and I can assure you that my family and I can heartily identify with you. Thanks for the good tips!
By Honeydip on 03.12.09 2:49 am | Permalink
hi cherrylola,
sorry that i haven´t answered you so far. and thank you for your kindresponse. as soon as i found a nice pictureto send and as soon i have learned to manage this (not good in all this pc-ish things;-) i`ll do.
Luv from berlin and thanks for the link.., monika
By Monika on 03.17.09 11:30 pm | Permalink
well i am absolutely appalled by what that person said to you. i have a difference of opinion from a lot of people but that does not give me the free pass to say hurtful things. how tragic. i’m happy to see that this did not deter you from posting your experiences and thoughts.
now to go on to the topic, i feel the same way you do about some BBS stores but i don’t feel as though we can blame the proprietor for the products. they are only supplying what the majority of black women are demanding. i do agree that the service can be horrendous in some outlets. i appreciate the few stores that have black women working there that can answer questions so i tend to frequent them more than the ones that are ran only by asians.
By lee on 03.30.09 5:22 pm | Permalink
I can agree with you. I have always shopped in Sally’s and when I recently went to the black beauty supply store (owned by non-blacks!!!) I just felt like I should either perm my hair or throw on a wig.
I find more love and care from products I find online made by and for people of color.
By A. Spence on 07.17.09 4:39 pm | Permalink
Oh H*** yes!!!! At 43 I am proud and sure of who I am as a bi-racial woman. And I can go story to story with almost any one. As a little girl we would visit my dad side of the family – small town Wisconsin- pick a name., any name..yeah i got called that. Then we would get to the south side of chicago and I would get called names AGAIN and kids would tell me I talked funny.
blah blah blah—high school 2000 kids 3 kids of color. we have all been there!
I love your blog I love your attitude and it may be different in the UK – I bet its not- but last I checked here in America you cant be a little pregnant and you cant be a little bit black!
at this point in my life- no one defines me but ME.
By Laurie on 07.26.09 6:18 am | Permalink
Dear Cherry L, I absolutely agree with you.
I always feel creeped out by the silent, accusing rows and rows and rows and rows AND ROWS of hair (cut from the heads of exploited poor women in Third world countries) whenever I go to my nearest hair shop in Peckham.
I always feel puzzled by the fact that us African Diaspora people spend millions of pounds/dollars in them , but the money goes into other peoples pockets.
I look at the skin bleach and the relaxers and I sigh a heavy sigh.
And the I buy my shampoo and deep conditioner (and my Dark and Lovely Chestnut brown hair dye) and I leave until next time.
Thus is the world.
By mixiepixie on 08.20.09 6:21 pm | Permalink
Hi,i’m multi-racial caribbean and I think it is stupid that someone would be offended that you don’t go to a black hair store.I stop going there too.I don’t like any of the products there.Their shampoos dry out my transtioned hair(i’m natural now)and made it nappy.Before I perm my hair years ago I never knew that my hair was curly because of black hair products and because of my mom( both parents are mixed).
I use to buy mixed hair products online but now I make my own hair products(I started few months ago).Cool you are half irish=).I’m mixed with scottish.My scottish ancestor is the reason why i’m mixed up lol.
I think it is wrong that some black people would think that a black person or a mixed person has to buy products from a black person to support them.It is as if they are saying that other race’s products don’t matter or that there aren’t many smart \successful black people( if they think this is true then they are putting down their own people).
I get attack on the net all the time for calling myself mixed and my first attack on naturallycurly made me depress for a while….
By cher on 11.16.09 6:16 am | Permalink
CL I am in total agreement with you and had recently had this conversation with members of my family. I think that it’s unfortunate that instead of pondering what one is trying to express, some readers jump the gun get offended and rant and rave ignorantly.
I am a Black woman from Chicago who feels exactly the same. I get disgusted with the BBS because the Asians have a stronghold on a market that has nothing to do with them. I recently read an article about a Black salon owner who was insulted inside of an Asian-owned BBS and decided to open his own. But then was smacked in the face with the fact that the distributorships were located in Asian countries and BBS suppliers refused to do business with him until he pretended to call on behalf of his Asian boss. He is now on a crusade to stop the madness and help more Blacks open beauty supply stores without the fight that he had to go through.
And as for Sally’s, I recently left in disgust because we are always relegated to the “back of the bus” or store with maybe one or two columns devoted to black hair care products that neither I nor my friends use. It’s like an afterthought. Oh yeah, some black people may come in here looking for something. It is so frustrating at times.
In such a racially charged world, it is easy to jump the gun and get upset over anything someone says related to race without first thinking about it’s validity just because it is related to race.
Thank you for your blog and for your cherry lola treatment. I’m doing one as we speak
By MichelleMaBelle on 04.21.10 5:02 pm | Permalink
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